Hogan's Heroes:
How to win friends and influence Nazis

Oh Christ, you're saying to yourself...not another Hogan's Heroes web page.

Well, mein freund, this ain't just another Hogan's Heroes page -- it's the most obsessively psychotic page. June 28, 2003 will be the 25th Anniversary of Bob Crane's death. And where will I be? At your house, I reckon. With bells on. No point in sending me your address, I'm already drinking your whiskey and watching Bob Crane porn while your at work slacking off looking at Hogan crud.

My favorite quotes from you people: "you're the first person I've run into who collects [Hogan's Heroes] I never liked the show - I couldn't see the humor in a WWII German prison camp."

And: "Bob Crane? Isn't that the guy who played Gilligan?"

I've got an obsession with Bob Crane that started as soon as I figured out He was The Chosen One. Even more so than Shatner or Charleton Heston! Maybe I'm kidding, maybe I'm not, but seeing as how I'm the one with the legal Archbishop Credentials, you better just play along if you wanna see Valhalla mein little Viking.

Tonite's episode is brought to you by a fifth of Jim Beam Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey (tm) and some codeine and Trio (everyone's favorite New Wave band from Der Fatherland). Oh, and a Para Ordnance P.12 (tm) that's sitting here Condition One. Cocked and Locked. I'm a geek, but I'm well armed and strung out on prescription painkillers. Welcome to Stalag 13. My own private Hell. I was helped out by a few friends, but no one wants their name connected to this for some reason -- check out the About us link. I'm related to some pretty famous people, people who if I were to name some names, would make you crawl under the sofa and blush. Let's just say I know where Jim Varney is buried.

Yes, I am aware that much of the graphics from my site have been swiped by other Hogan fans too cowardly to even say "please" and "thank you." Not even a tip o' the hat in my direction. And I know that the Hogans Heroes Fan Club site ripped off my list of Hogan goods. I sent a bunch of info to Brenda Scott Royce after she wrote her first book. Some of the info was in the 2nd book (with no thanks to me), and whoever is doing the fan club site has swiped stuff from me again.. You see baby, I know it all... Almost all the graphics on my site were scanned by D&L, with a little help from me. If you've seen 'em elsewhere, now you know where they came from. The graphics I plan on swiping for The Big List will be credited 'cause I ain't a sissy.

Site last updated Nov. 4, 2002!


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©1997-1999, 2001-2003 (2000 I was hiding under a VW Thing waiting for Y2K planes to crash into me).

Archbishop Dave uh... "Smith"
po box 2414, Sacto, CA 95812-2414

the Loony Bin

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