My Dead Wife, Part X


"Can I use your bathroom, I PROMISE I'll take a shit." Man, I've really got it sometimes...

"Sir, this is a daycare center and--"

Whoah...this was gonna be tough.

"OK," I went real slow, "I no-ee speakee de chinaman"

"No," she smiled, "this is a place for children"

"Yes, I heard you the first time - `Communist Restroom,' I believe you said?" Smug as shit. Now where the hell was that bathroom?

Found it. I sat down on the can, put the headphones on and click! It was the soundtrack to an obscure, underground classic called "Dirty Dancing." I started singing "I'VE HAD THE TIME OF MY LIIIIIFE." Then I thought back to my high school graduation and I started wishing I had made a movie that they could've shown at the graduation party, that kind of highlighted the `good times.' This would've been a great theme song. And during the slow part of the song, it could've show us all crying and saying goodbye and then WHAM...the chorus kicks in and it's like, `look we're sad but man, we had some great times.'

Oh my God...KIDS!!! I ran into the classroom: "Hello my friends. My name is Officer Rape Police. Your parents are all dead and it's your fault."

What resembled a two-year old in a wheelchair rolled her old bones over and tried to hug me. I couldn't make out what she was saying because she was gagging on her own tears.

"Get the hell away from me, MONSTER!!!" I shrieked.

I guess they were right...I'd really had the time of my life.

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