Nelson de la Rosa
is: The Lil Dancing Man.
Watch the Spanish channels long enough and you too can see him dance and spin on his head. Nelson was born in 1968 during the Tet Offensive and in 1990 was named in the Guiness Book of Records as the smallest man on Earth. Smaller even than me, I betcha. Oh, and he was in the freak movie The Island of Dr. Moreau with Marlin Brando (the actor, not the fish). Somewhere there's a life-size picture of this 72 cm li'l guy that I'm gonna post some time. In the meantime, check out this other geeks midget fetish page: http://www.jaycaddle.com/mahow/ Yeah, he calls the Li'l Dancing Man "Mahow Mahow" but no matter what you call a freaky dancing midget, it's still gonna hump your leg if it thinks it can get away with it.
Sadly, 2006 wasn't a good year for The Lil Dancing Man. He shuffled off this mortal coil.
This is the Lil Dancing Man (not me hugging Dawna, but the scales the same).
This picture links to the page with video footage of The Man in action.
Fight.Some enterprising young hooligans thought it'd be funny to throw The Lil Dancing Man and Willow into the octagon to fight to the death. Here's the fight link: http://adunai.iwarp.com/duel1.html . He tried to tell give me a different address (I think he was trying to hide it).
Panther. The hermaphrodite porn midget King Star of "Somewhere Under the Rainbow." It's a midget porno made in Budapest, Hungary and is the most disturbing thing I've ever seen. He wears cop glasses and a sweatsuit and shoots pool. He moves like a chameleon and his "magic wand" looks like an olive wrapped in skin. It's wider than it is long. Panther is hairless and has a face like your grandmother. The girls he's in bed with try not to laugh at him (hey, just like me!) and when he makes his getaway they hide their faces because they're laughing so hard.
Panther, we hardly knew ye.
Mehta. All I know of this character, I know from Jaycaddle's missive: "Another matter of urgency is this Mehta character... he is smaller than Mahow and trying to muscle in on his territory!Ý Of course Mehta doesn't have the charm, charisma, swank, and dancin' shoes of the almighty Mahow, but he is smaller!!!Ý Do you think size is all that matters?Ý How will the public react to Mehta once word gets out?Ý Please keep this e-mail strictly confidential... no leaks to the media.Ý I believe he should be taken out before he disrupts Mahow's Rise to Glory.Ý Should you choose the mission to destroy him, I have included a photo that gives clues as to his whereabouts... book a flight to India Dave...uh..."Smith"... only you can stop this menace." I think it's safe to say, that in the Battle Beyond the Stars (not the movie with JohnBoy Walton and John Saxon, but the real life Battle Beyond the Stars where midgets live by the rule: Two midgets enter, one midget leaves) that The Lil Dancin' Man will dance on Mehta's corpse.
This spot is where Hal's picture of a lesbo midget squatting on a trash can would've gone, but some chump stole my jacket on Greyhound.
I had a horrible few months of homelessness (not homo-lessness) back in 1999. I quit my job, couch surfed around (this is Peep Off time), and made my way to Oakland to sleep on Sex Creepy's floor at his tiny studio apartment. I had to hide from his landlord so I had to sneak in and out at weird hours.
While there, I harpooned a relationship with the 2nd girl I wanted to marry. How did you do that Mister "Smith", you say? I figured I'd screw up the relationship with the girl I loved, so I went out with her roommate. I knew I was screwing up, and I said "Man, this is going to bite me in the ass later". Oddly enough it did.
The roommate, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, who looked a lot like Julie Newmar, the hottest of the Catwomans from Batman (she was also Eleen on the Star Trek episode #32 "Friday's Child"), realized I loved the other girl and ended up kicking my ass. Literally and figuratively. The figurative part hurt worse, because bruises heal quickly. And the girl I loved, became super pissed, a bit bitter I think, and started shooting smack. I'm Mister Popularity at her family's house. But anyway, at this point, that hadn't happened yet (Oh yeah, thankfully she quit the heroin after a couple years later).
So while temping as a receptionist in Oakland, I hitched a ride up to Portland with Lopez (the band, not the kid from The Bad News Bears who drinks Mr. Buttermaker's beers, no wait, that's Lupus).
I hung out in Portland for a week or so, went swimming in a great spot in the Wenatchee River, and ate steak at The Acropolis for Joel Lopez' b-day. The Acropolis is a steakhouse and stripper joint. We watched a girl strip for the first time while eating steak and drinking Pabst. She was nervous, was super slow showing her knockers to the gawkers, so the gawkers walked away. Joels' girlfriend Tia tipped her pretty well. I don't much like strip clubs (Catholic guilt in action, I think), but those steaks were great for being 5 bucks.
I call Sex Creepy letting him know that I'm alive since I just disappeared and hear my granny isn't doing well. I call granny and she sounds horrible. Her neice died and granny gave up living. It's unnerving when you notice that on the phone. I walk to the Greyhound station to get a ride back to Sacramento. I miss the first bus by 8 seconds, so I'm stuck at the PDX bus station for 5 hours waiting for the next bus. That ride was horrible like most Greyhound bus rides are (at least the guy sitting next to me didn't hang himself like when I rode out to Chicago). I get back to Sacramento. I realize I left my jacket on the bus, but the bus is gone. I I can't get ahold of anyone I know, so I walked many many blocks to Bill's house, in the rain, and sat on his porch.
My granny was in the hospital. She starts The Death Rattle, which I always thought was a "made up for movies" thing. But it's real. And it's creepy. She hung on for a while, and I took my Pop out for a walk around the hospital. She died while he was out there with me. They've been married for 60 years, he wanted to be with her when she died, but I fucked that one up too.
So that's why the midget picture ain't here. All's well that ends well, it was a s'wonderful time.
True Life Midget Story.
This was sent in by my pal Lurch -- a strapping young man who's like 6 foot something and looks like a guy you'd call Lurch.
Important note: Midgets may seem cool, but are still sensitive! OK, so DeeAnn wants some movies, so I walk out to go pick 'em up. On my journey, I am at an intersection and waiting for the light to change standing next to... you guessed it - a full-blown 100% midget. Here's the conversation (you know, one of those "bored, waiting for signal to change so you feel like you gotta talk to the person next to you" ones):
Midget: You're pretty tall.
Me: Yeah - you're pretty short. pause
Midget: Well, I'm a midget .
Me: That explains it.
Midget (yes, out of nowhere this is said - with no real pause - also said kind of excitedly/happily): I'm going to get beer.
Me: Uh, OK. (at this point, thinking maybe we are sort of on a similar wave length and this midget is kind of cool about his midgetness) -- So, do regular beers seem really, really big to you? Since you're a midget and all?
(pause - during which time I think I have fucked up)
Midget: Fuck you.
Me: Um, OK. Sorry. (uncomfortable silence until the signal changes and I take advantage of big people's legs and make sure to walk really fast ahead and away...)
That's pretty much a literal transcription, and yes, it really did happen. Once again, exercising my ability to misread people and show great tact...
Czech Republic. From Denise (who took the photo of me posing with my .45) back when there was a Czech Republic. She got hitched to the Mad Monkey in September 2003. I was invited, and figured I'd fly out to Chicago for the wedding. It was in Frisco, so I felt pretty lucky. I don't have the money to spend for the flight. I congratulated Missus Mad Monkey, the Mad Monkey got mad that I said "Missus Mad Monkey" and disinvited me to the wedding. The Mad Monkey, if you haven't read that issue of Probe, is Ken, a Frisco transplant from Arkansas. Way back in 1996, he was waiting for Bill, Brad, Aaron Probe, me, Dawna and Avel I think, and drank a fifth of whiskey that was in our Frisco apartment. He doesn't drink. His body didn't know what whiskey is and let him drink that much. So we show up and he's hammered. He runs around screaming "I'm the Mad Monkey" and "The South Shall Rise Again!". He pukes into the kitchen sink and throws fistfulls of puke onto Aaron. Later, he passes out mumbling funny crazy talk with his head in Dawna's crotch. We call him Mad Monkey and he's a bit defensive about it. Even after 9 years. Luckily, I've never embarrased myself while drunk, so I don't understand the problem. Is the story from when I drunkenly made out with a transvestite on this site? I thought s/him was a girl, and everyone in Los Huevos, except Ed Carroll thought it was a girl. But by the end of the tour, everyone said "dude, I knew it was a guy all along".
Got this letter from my limey ex-boyfriend, he's teaching English in Czech Republic now. Anyway I guess one night him and his friends got really drunk and went to some night club. There was some tiny 15-year-old girl there. Roger was so drunk that he became obsessed with her and would spin her around on the dance floor by her arms. This is a direct quote from his letter, "by the end of the evening I was swinging her round and round at arms length and high speed shouting, 'Trpaslicka! Trpaslicka!' (dwarf-female)."
Another Public Midget Story. From Rob.
So I thought I should drop you a line about my new place of residence, Washington DC. In the neighborhood near my house there is a grocery store that apparently employs two midgets to round up the shopping carts in the parking lot. One of them is white one is black... hence their local nick-names, Joe-C and Bushwick Bill. I haven't seen joe-c around, but seem to come across Bushwick all of the time. I have been told Bushwick is pretty tough and robbed my roommates ex-husband at gun point.
I'll try to get more midget stories.. as of this point I don't know any more than I have told you. But I'll do some investigation work... especially since as of next week I'll live much closer to the midgets. Right now I live about a 30 minute walk from them. I'll be happy to leave here. my walls are very very very very thihn and right now I can hear my roommate... in detail... having sex with his girlfriend. It isn't nearly as bad as the other night when I could hear every word they were saying. She requested that he "fuck me in the ass". really that is an exact quote from her. And then a few minutes leter I heard "I told you not to put that much in!!!!" I pretty much put my hands over my ears and tried to block it all out from there. I'll do my best for the midget stories.
Okay then, here's the link: http://www.thelittlekingz.com/
Midget cop in Davis. If I get a picture of his baseball-type card, I'll post it.
You've read the Cute Girl Report and you want to find the midget houses, eh? Well, I don't have directions. A few people have asked. We stopped and asked at a Visitor's Center in San Diego. They didn't know what we were talking about until we said it's the 2 houses that some of the midgets from Wizard of Oz built. Then they gave us directions. Try that one. If you find 'em, please let me know and I'll post them so the current tenants of Midget Village can have their 15 minutes of stalking fame.
Page last updated: November 8, 2003